Vulnerability. An emotion that I was avoiding one month ago and today, it is my way of life. I have attended more than 30 international projects and events, but none of them was like this one.
When from the first day you start sharing your deepest fears, emotions, strengths and weaknesses with 20 strangers, it’s impossible for them to stay only strangers. I don’t like showing my emotions in front of people, but in the training ‘Interact & iLearn’, I felt safe, I felt supported, heard and loved. Every day was full of intensive workshops and sessions, through which we dived deep into our past in order to discover which things or events affected on shaping us into the person we are today.
Who says that building your dream tower with lego bricks, or dancing with eyes closed, or 5 minutes of meditation, or balancing 2 sticks with 4 fingers while dancing to Despacito can bring you so much awareness, can make you understand your strengths and weaknesses which can be used to become a better leader and a better trainer?
The combination of the peaceful nature of Dilijan, loving participants and the 2 most supportive and inspiring trainers – Hranush and Agnieszka – led to a week of joy, tears, anger, and love. We were laughing and crying at the same time, going to bed at 10 because we felt overwhelmed, waking up at 7 with a smile on our face and wondering what is happening to us and our bodies.
Well, now I know. After all my emotions settled down, and I got 9282823 hours of sleep, I feel ready. Ready to embrace my strengths and to lead, teach and train. Ready to accept my flaws, my fears, and the emotions I didn’t want to feel. Because if I feel them, it means I am alive. And I learned that it is ok. It is ok for me to make mistakes. It is ok for me to be sad, angry, and to cry. To forget and to forgive myself.
Because to be happy is my own choice.
Enormous thank you to our trainers, to David jan and Loesje Armenia for the great organization, as
well as to CID, my sending NGO for providing me with this opportunity.
And Armenia, I will be back!
Tamara Ilievska
